scorching summer breeze
she stood gazing at the Nile
a goddess, no less
***
Bastet, she ruled in great royal chambers
A life of joy and dance permeated
Thousands of years of exquisite sublime
Sun-God Ra's bewitching lovely daughter
Above all, she held her cats most sacred
To run through temples of the most divine
Her court of cult and loyal followers
Adored her - she was both feared and revered
Her grace, aggression, seduction combined
Her grace, aggression, seduction combined
If I could live but, a joyous hour
In those ancient times with my beloved
To walk by her side, and to make her mine
To live, and die - beheld by such power
To be loved by so tender a loverwords by ninotaziz. all rights reserved
____________________________________________________________
Once again, Samuel Peralta entices us, this time to try something not quite new - yes, a sonnet, but a structured one that promises to be an exciting experiment - what he terms as a Trireme Sonnet. I was thrilled to be introduced to the work of Heather Horton of Canada - and I admit, I am always happy to be reminded of the land I spent growing into adulthood. Her artwork "Sasha, Sun" inspired the poem above.
I think I am going to trip over iambic pentameters but I will give it a try.
The rhyme and feel were smooth.
ReplyDeleteI did not know about Bastet and looked her up -- it seems the pronunciation may be "ubesti". 'Twas a fun read.
Your fourth stanza talks about your "beloved" -- and that would be the cat goddess? "To make her mine"? The lines threw me a bit. A fun turn in the poem where you become the lover of a furry goddess. Interesting. Dream big! Why not.
Why not, Sabio? It was meant to change the pace in the poem - We are talking magical realism.
DeleteCheers!
I have thought about merging sonnets and haiku and connect them like a haibun. This is excellent, and I think you should do more.
ReplyDeleteDear Björn,
DeleteThank you for that suggestion. I have been moving towards using the haiku as a strong opening for a piece of work. And will try to expand this. I actually love the haibun!
I thought the turn in the poem was def very cool and worked the magical realism nicely ninot...what an interesting thought to be able to go back and walk among the gods...or to even take one as a lover...in the old stories it happened so....very nicely done ninot.
ReplyDeleteYou know how these poems are Brian, they twist and turn at their own will. But I definitely enjoyed this experiment in form.
DeleteDivine! I really like this, especially:
ReplyDeleteHer court of cult and loyal followers
Adored her - she was both feared and revered
Her grace, aggression, seduction combined
Thank you Laurie...I am really glad you liked it.
DeleteAs Brian said, in the old stories the magical realism was paramount...you captured Heather's art exactly here with a fine write ;)
ReplyDeleteDear Katy,
DeleteThe old stories were paramount!
Really love your poem. Takes us into the magic of Ancient Egypt:)
ReplyDeleteThank you Tiger for taking the journey with me!
DeleteNinot - I love the way you intertwined cultures - Japan (haiku), late-medieval European (sonnet) and ancient Egyptian here.
ReplyDeleteA small tweak - Above would work better than among (IMO) at the start of the middle of your second tercet.
Dear Tony,
DeleteI have always loved reading fairytales, and that extended to legends and epics. I started out with fairytales in earnest, then Arabian, Malaysian, Greek, Indian and then I just sort of globe trotted the folklore path. Friends bought me folklore books of this and that country they visited!
Thank you for the suggestion, it is certainly much better!
...i always love reading stories of yore from such a passionate storyteller like you Ninot... a wonderful experience to me... smiles...
ReplyDeleteDear Kelvin,
DeleteGlad you love them. I have quite a collection of Philippino folktales up my sleeve too!
Ninot Ma'am,
ReplyDeleteAncient stories brought to life again. It'll come as gems from you. It fascinates me as it's a rare offering all the time to have glimpses of them. Thanks for sharing!
Hank
Dear Sir Hank,
DeleteSo lovely that you enjoy these little offerings of mine. I hope to put up some of our own soon...
Wonderfully conceived! I saw the haiku as an effective epigraph to the trireme sonnet, which was well-executed as well. Love that you chose Sasha as the inspiration for this, that makes up the ekphrastic part - and the magic realism? Evoking the Egyptian Bastet is perfect, and the voice you use, as of one enraptured by that age's mysticism, is amazing. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI love these challenging forms, Samuel and while I trip here and there over its formation, I enjoy the whole process immensely. The fact that I can use it to present what I love the most, i.e. storytelling, is a bonus.
DeleteThank you for leading a great session, I look forward to other little treasures you have for us.
Thanks, and I agree with your thoughts about the process - the journey can be as wonderful as the destination.
ReplyDeleteAn excellent interpretation of ancient Egyptian mythology.
ReplyDeleteThank you Anthony. It is so rich, and offers inspiring and exciting glimpses into ancient times.
DeleteIf forms were not a spur to creation they would be poor indeed. There is no danger of this here: it is a great piece. Not too fixed to lose the flow, not too loose to fall into prose. And Bastet is a great subject (and I say this watching my cat in case she gets ideas of grandeur into her head).
ReplyDeleteI have three cats Gavin, and we will keep this secret - just how much we adore them !
DeleteThank you for your kind words. It is such a difficult thing for me to make it flow, prose is too strong in me. I will myself to pare down words.
You rocked the form, kiddo. I especially love "If I could live but a joyous hour ....... with my beloved"
ReplyDeleteLoved the form, the stories most of all...
DeleteI always love your ancient stories in verse whenever/wherever you share them!
ReplyDeleteMary, that made me so happy because all I want to do is tell stories...
DeleteYou are such an inspiration for creativity. Combining forms, ancient and modern in both story and mood is brrrrrrrrrrrriliant
ReplyDeleteWhy, thank you Judith. This is what I feel everyone does - for we are all storytellers in one waay or the other...
Deletefrom Japan to Egypt - a great poetical trip
ReplyDeleteAn Oriental journey for sure, Ollie.
DeleteWhoa! Egypt! And right now I'm listening to Kenny G and Peabo belting out By the time... feeling glam right now :)
ReplyDeleteI would too Hazel, I love Kenny G.
Deletethe sonnet was well crafted abd the haiku striking i like how you worked the last line it gives the reader a moment of pause!
ReplyDeleteThank you, I had to have a relook, and i see what you mean! Thanks!
DeleteNice international take on haiku theme. I love mythology.
ReplyDeleteSo do I, Alice. We both then!
Deletetender and bold! loved the haiku and the walk down the history with a "I wish I were..."
ReplyDeleteWould love to be in ancient Egypt. Not to sure about Egypt today.
DeleteThe world has become so unpredictable.
This is a great endeavour!
ReplyDeleteI love the precision of your haiku. Your poem was beautiful too... wistful.
ReplyDeleteEliz