Magpie #20
Sara sat crosslegged, cornered
A slip of a shawl
Hanging over her shoulder
She was forlorn, frozen
Quivering smile, unreleased sigh
A misty goodbye in the air - unspoken
Sara barefooted, barefaced
Staring right through you
Dreadfully visible, her lonely ache
The door, ajar
Bristling autumn, cold winter
The seasons forever marred
Everything untouched
An icicle threatenening to crash
On the chilly slab, a forgotten toothbrush...
a simply perfect magpie! loved the feeling of this line.."A misty goodbye in the air - unspoken"
ReplyDeleteI feel Sara's pain ... nicely written.
ReplyDeletesounds like Sara is forgotten also.....well done...bkm
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written, saddest poem! So much cold imagery and hopelessness.
ReplyDeleteBreathtaking poem....so sad yet captivating.
ReplyDeleteLovely and so sad.
ReplyDeleteI logged on and was greeted by all your encouraging comments. Thank you so much. I aimed to make it Sara's saddest winter.
ReplyDeletePlease do drop by again.
There'll be another toothbrush in its place soon enough
ReplyDeleteThanks Stan for your visit! I enjoyed Elephant Small magpies especially Magpie # 19 tremendously.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but I don't think Sara will make it to another toothbrush...we'll see.
wow such refined work
ReplyDeletelots of work done here
cutting unnecessary words
to reveal the true poem
great work...would love to read more
what beautiful sadness you create in so few lines...tight magpie...wonderful imagery...
ReplyDeleteDear Suz and Brian,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your visit. I do so love the Magpie Tales community. It feels wonderful to write poetry again after years of abandon.
Do drop by again.
Oh. This is superb!
ReplyDeleteDear Tumblewords,
ReplyDeleteThank you. And thank you for your haiku too.
Wonderful...dark and cold.
ReplyDeletesimple yet profound.
ReplyDeleteobjects and emotions.... well done!
rel
Very well done, and so sad. you've created great imagery here. I love the line "A misty goodbye in the air - unspoken"
ReplyDeleteGreat portrait of an unending moment.
ReplyDeleteA really haunting piece. I liked how you gave your character a name in the poem, it grounded it, gave it an anchor, making it somehow easier to relate to. Great magpie!
ReplyDelete