Waiting turns to pain in autumnWaiting turns to pain in autumnTime abandons love from my armsTime abandons love from my armsFrom my arms, love abandons meAutumn brings pain, with endless waitingThe walks in the park of evergreensThe walks in the park of evergreensLies to me - our love will survive allLies to me - our love will survive all
Our love survives the evergreens
But you lied to me as we walked
I suffered a year while in bliss
I suffered a year while in bliss
Your deception cloaked me in a cocoon
Your deception cloaked me in a cocoon
The cocoon held me in bliss
Your deception was my undoing
From my arms, love abandons me
Autumn brings pain, with endless waitingOur love survives the evergreens
But you lied to me as we walked
The cocoon you wove held me in bliss
Your kind deception was my undoing
A paradelle for dversepoets
Brian
ReplyDeleteNot sure if I got it quite right, I always tend to twist forms, hoax or not hoax, now and then.
Thank you.
nice...i am guilty of twisting form all the time...and your little adjustments to the form make it flow really well...and it tells a story...a hard one of lies....deception and betrayal...oy...so hard...the death of love for sure...you had me hooked with the opening stanza...i like the nature touches as well with the trees in the second....
ReplyDeletegood to see you...smiles.
You did a superb job with this. Made me forget you were adhering to a form meant as a joke. Your words flowed so well. I really enjoyed.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful shot Ninot Ma'am! I didn't think you had form restrictions reading this. The story flows most smoothly that one forgets any difficulty in its construction. Great wordcraft especially connecting it with nature's abundance! Great write!
ReplyDeleteHank
Fantastic paradelle!
ReplyDeleteYou're not the first person to tweak a form and you won't be the last...smiles. I think of cocoons as being protecting and cozy...this one was not. You told a heartless tale very well. I enjoyed every word.
ReplyDeleteWhat fantastic sad poem.. The pain of walking within deception among the fall of leaves - the small twist to the form just make it better...
ReplyDeleteWell realised! (Interesting how many of us have chosen love poems. They do seem to lend themselves to this form.)
ReplyDeletelove this spontaneous flow and i specially like how you twisted the form to suit the content...awesome...
ReplyDeleteThe pain of love you convey so well. Lovely use of this form.
ReplyDeletewow powerful write. you weaved quite an impressive tale. this flows really well.
ReplyDelete